I wish I were better at this…
I find myself thinking this, praying this to God, and saying it to other people. Why? Am I doubting the outcome of my decisions? I guess so.
Proverbs 21:30 There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the LORD.
Excellent news! I’m very relieved. I cannot mess this up beyond what God chooses for me. However, I do wonder sometimes, is this what God actually wants for me? The days that sorta fall apart from what I thought they would be. Where everything is just not working out. I guess I’m blaming myself for not doing what God would’ve wanted. Either because I refused to listen, or I got what he wanted wrong. I’m questioning if this is how God sees me though. I think I’m seeing my walk with God as being performance based. Some sort of grading system. I think I am wrong…I wish I were better at this…
And if the day has gone so poorly, where did it go wrong? If everything in the world is going nowhere, what is going somewhere? I mean the day must go somewhere right? What do I do while I wait for God’s redirection? How did I miss the directions in the first place?…I wish I were better at this…
I do feel I’m sorta letting God direct me. However, sorta is not the goal. I don’t believe God deals in “sorta”. So how do I let God fully lead me then? Actually that is “sorta” the whole point of this blog. Sharing my walk with God and the battle it is for me to surrender to him. But am I truly surrendering (sorta)? I do want to. I do try. But am I really succeeding (sorta)? I think maybe I am trying too hard. Perhaps I’m trying myself (in the world) instead of in his Spirit? Maybe I’m trying by my strength instead of by God’s mighty power…I wish I were better at this…
Galatians 4:9 But now that you have come to know God, or rather to be known by God, how is it that you turn back again to the weak and worthless elemental things, to which you desire to be enslaved all over again?
No! I want to shout back my answer. NO! I definitely do not want to go back into the ways of the world and be trapped in them. I love God. I want God’s ways! But then why don’t I consistently surrender and follow him? Why do I battle going back to where I really don’t want to go?…I wish I were better at this…
Romans 8:7 because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so,
Actually this is wonderful news! I do not need to figure this out. I just need to focus on God. Hmmmm…interesting, I’ve written those sentences before in other entries. Apparently I need many reminders to focus on God. It seems I’m battling the same principles of God’s word…I wish I were better at this…
Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Perfect there’s a list (as you know, nothing beats a good list)! Ok great, I know what to focus on. I’m all set. But am I? What do I do when I’m struggling to focus on God’s list? Maybe I should make a list of things not to focus on…
My phone. Yikes this is a big one. I’m thinking now would not be a good time to look at the stats of the time I spend on my phone. No need to look. It’s too long. I can lie to myself and say…Oh a lot of that is legitimate time. Nope don't need to. Whatever it is it’s too much.
My circumstances. Again I could lie to myself and say…Some of the positive ones would fit into that bible verse…perhaps they would. But for me it becomes way too easy to go into the negative ones. So it’s best to just leave circumstances out.
My hobbies. Similar to circumstances in that I could lie to myself and say… Wait hobbies are good for me and healing… and yes sometimes they are. But for me they can be a way to avoid God. And get lost in the world. In the world is not where I need to be when I’m trying to battle against it.
Shopping. Same thing. I could lie to myself and say…Well I do need to get abc item…maybe I do. But when I’m struggling to focus on what God says to focus on, shopping isn’t a good choice for me. It’s a distraction away from God at that point.
Snacking. I’m sure you can guess how the next sentence will begin (insert smile here). I could lie to myself and say…Wait, I bake for people and I have very valid reasons for needing to taste test. Official research needs to be done. Quality control…I could keep going. Attaching snacking to when I’m struggling is not a good plan for me and definitely does not get me back to focusing on God.
I could keep going with this list, but I think this is a good start. I’d hate to just keep babbling on with my struggles. Actually that’s what the entire blog is about (wait, is that actually funny?)(yes). Because if I were better at this then the blog wouldn’t even exist. Since the goal of the blog is to share my struggles in my walk with God and encourage people and to glorify God. Could it be that my abundance of struggles following God gives me an abundance of entry topics to write about (insert the cute little thinking emoji here)? So maybe this is all part of God’s plan for me.
So perhaps I should change the title of this entry.
God, I’m glad I’m not better at this
So here it is.
Blog entry Fifteen
Follow God and Bake from your Heart,
Ellie